It’s been three months since I tasted sugar. I no longer feel such a strong compulsion for it. Or, there is a border now between us, like a strand between two places. I can feel it there, more a thought than a yearning.
The reactions of others to my diet are interesting.
People say: “Oh, I don’t eat a lot of sugar anyway…”
But you can see they do. Honey and maple syrup don’t seem to count. They don’t read the ingredients. They’re not quite aware of the astounding amount of sugar in the world. It permeates every crack and crevice.
They get annoyed. It’s just another fad. They invite me for dinner: sausages with wheat and maple sugar, breaded chicken, gravies and stuffing, salad with dressing, dips and sauces. It’s just a little sugar. It won’t hurt. They bring gifts of jam, wine, cookies. I feel silly, rigid, too serious, ungrateful.
In my moments of feeling left out, I can’t help but see everyone around me as drug addicts. Then, this passes and I let my judgement go. It’s only a mode of defence. Or nostalgia. I’ve had my time of sugar. I concentrate on my self.
I have left the world that was familiar to me since childhood. Not only have I left sugar, but wheat as well, and all processed food, dried fruit, and most grains unless sprouted… The reason for this decision was the poor state of my teeth. But now I see it is more than that. I have a gnawing suspicion of dentists and doctors, and the outdated system of thought. My body just refuses to be touched by them. So, if that is the case, than I have to take my well-being into my own hands.
It’s a huge adjustment, especially since I live off-grid. I buy food everyday. I carry it around with me everywhere I go, like a pet. Sometimes, I forget where I’ve left it. I have to make sure I have enough food, and the right food. I have to cook at work, and there is usually not enough time. I have lost weight and I have to work at gaining it back. My body is reacting, the inner system is finding new pathways. It says yes or no. Food becomes a strange obsession that was not there before.
Less and less do I think about the space. More and more am I being filled with something else entirely. Unexplored territory. A new land.